i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
