why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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