I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
