At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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