Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
