Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
