girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
