Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
