so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
