@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
