i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
