just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
