a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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