I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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