obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
