After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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