yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
