My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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