i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
