If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
