Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
