You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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