mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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