You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
too bad you live with your parents still
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
