Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
