The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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