By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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