If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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