My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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