WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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