I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
