He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am one with the molecules
i need some magic done to my vagina
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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