so explain again why im purple
no
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
