i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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