I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
