I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
