There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
