when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
