you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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