Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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