I must be too annoying 4 u.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
