just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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