Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
