I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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