You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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