i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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