i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
