I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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