This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
