Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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