I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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