in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
