too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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