I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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