he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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