my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
