good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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