How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
