ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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