oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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