so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
