bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
