I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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