Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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