Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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