my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
