I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
