Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
