Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
