we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize