Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
