I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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