My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
