I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
