When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
