I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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